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**Drones, Armored Vehicles Part of Canada’s $2B Military Aid Package For Ukraine—Maple Syrup “Not Included This Time”**

In a move sure to strike fear into the hearts of enemy combatants and mildly alarm Canadian geese, Canada has announced a $2B military aid package for Ukraine—featuring high-tech drones, shiny armored vehicles, and the nation’s signature heartfelt politeness.

Prime Minister Justin Trudeau unveiled the package at a press conference, standing valiantly next to a snow plow painted camouflage green. “Canada will always stand up for its friends,” Trudeau declared. “And, if necessary, we will politely request they stand upright after being knocked over by our new armored ATV Moose Mark I.”

Observers were quick to note the innovation: the Canadian drones come preloaded with hockey highlights, Tim Hortons coupons, and the ability to say “sorry” when striking enemy ground targets. “We believe in ethical warfare,” said a spokesperson from the Ministry of Defense. “Each drone is required to issue a formal apology before landing.”

The armored vehicles are also uniquely Canadian. Equipped with advanced heating systems, cupholders for double-doubles, and extra strong antennas to catch Winnipeg Jets playoff games, these tanks are ready for anything—except perhaps actual fighting. “Our tanks won’t shoot unless they get a ‘please’ and ‘thank you,’” said one developer. “But they’re unbeatable in snow-based operations and roadside ice fishing tournaments.”

Canada was pressured to add maple syrup to the mix, but experts felt it might constitute a war crime. Instead, each vehicle comes with an emergency poutine kit. “We stand firm for Ukraine,” Trudeau concluded, “armed with humility and slightly over-the-top gift baskets.”

Analysts say the gesture could tip the balance, provided Russia is susceptible to unexpected acts of Canadian kindness.

Stay tuned as Canada readies shipment, paperwork, and—just to be safe—another round of polite emails confirming everyone’s dietary restrictions.

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