#Satire #GazaNews #MediaMayhem #BreakingNews #PressPassesGone
By: TheJestPress.com and Sponsored by: https://freecash.com/r/c97b0ab020579663572c
In a shocking turn of events that no one could’ve possibly seen coming (except literally everyone), reports have now confirmed that an Associated Press freelancer was among four journalists tragically killed in yet another Israeli airstrike on a Gaza hospital—because apparently, hospitals and those who report from them are now on the official “Do Not Disturb—Just Obliterate” list.
Witnesses say the journalists were armed with the latest battlefield technology: pens, notepads, and that one camera with duct tape holding it together since 2012. Their most dangerous weapon? Trying to ask hard questions while wearing ill-fitting press vests that seemingly operate like high-visibility targets.
The Israeli military later clarified in a statement that they deeply regret the incident, while simultaneously noting that they weren’t actually aware journalists were in the area—which, given the number of flak vests stamped with giant “PRESS” in neon, makes you wonder what they thought those shiny vests stood for. Pizza Delivery? Paranormal Researchers?
In a never-before-seen show of solidarity, major media outlets have now responded by issuing their correspondents with even bigger “PRESS” labels—font size: 400 pt, inked in glow-in-the-dark paint, and fitted with disco lights. Because if you can’t dodge a missile, you can at least go out looking like Studio 54 circa 1978.
Meanwhile, the international community condemns the attacks “in the strongest possible terms”—a phrase so overused that it’s now just a printable PDF available on UN letterhead at the click of a button.
In unrelated news, the “AP Freelancer Defense Fund” now comes with a commemorative helmet and a coupon for half-off at your local underground bunker store. Limit one per surviving journalist.
Stay tuned as details emerge, or as another hospital is “mistakenly targeted.” Whichever comes first.
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