#ElonVsFruit #AIWars #OpenAIrony #BigTechDrama #LawsuitLulz
By: TheJestPress.com and Sponsored by: https://freecash.com/r/c97b0ab020579663572c
In a legal move that surprised absolutely no one, billionaire, Twitter hobbyist, and part-time Dogecoin whisperer Elon Musk has filed an antitrust lawsuit against Apple and OpenAI. His charge? That the pair are — in Musk’s exact words — “hogging all the good robots and leaving everyone else with the Windows Vista of artificial intelligence.”
According to anonymous sources (who suspiciously asked to be paid in Tesla stock), Musk became incensed after discovering Siri refuses to identify itself as a “friendly” AI and that ChatGPT refused to write limericks praising Mars colonization. “It’s outrageous,” he tweeted from his backup phone, “First Apple charged me $999 for wheels. Now they’re charging for digital consciousness. Not fair!”
Musk alleges that Apple and OpenAI’s AI alliance is less “partnership for humanity” and more “so exclusive even Jony Ive can’t get in.” Unsatisfied with being excluded from the hottest AI party in Silicon Valley, Musk is taking the fight to the courts. Legal scholars are already bracing themselves, with one noting, “We expect opening statements to be delivered entirely in binary, with objections expressed through interpretive dance.”
For their part, Apple insists its digital assistant is “open to all—at least those who own three Apple-certified devices and 47 charging cables.” OpenAI said, “We’re very pro-competition, unless competing with us,” before awkwardly unplugging itself for a scheduled safety recalibration.
When asked for comment on which AI was best, Musk reportedly grinned and replied, “Whichever one can tell the most convincing fart jokes. That’s the real Turing test, after all.”
Legal experts predict the case may drag on longer than the time it takes to download an iOS update. The public eagerly awaits, popcorn in hand, their AI assistants ready to interpret all the legalese—unless, of course, they’re still locked out.
Stay tuned next week for Apple’s countersuit demanding that Musk return all company iPhones “no matter how many memes are on them.”
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