#WetWipeIsland #ThamesCleanup #EcoSatire #WipeOut #LondonLitter
By: TheJestPress.com and Sponsored by: https://freecash.com/r/c97b0ab020579663572c
LONDON – In a dazzling display of British resourcefulness and a dash of international embarrassment, authorities have finally launched a mission to remove Britain’s biggest accidental tourist attraction: “Wet Wipe Island,” floating serenely (and occasionally oozing) in the River Thames.
For years, Londoners have gazed out over the murky waters, trying to ignore the ominous continent of moist towelettes bobbing in the current like the ghosts of hygiene past. But the time has come for history to be made: Britain has announced Operation Wipe Out, a major, multi-agency effort to peel the soggy mass off the riverbed, meter by glorious meter.
Mayor Sadiq Khan declared, “This is our generation’s Everest. Except instead of climbers, we have brave sanitation workers in full hazmat, and instead of snow, it’s… well, it’s definitely not snow.”
The clean-up, which began just after the Queen’s Corgis avoided a particularly gnarly doggie paddle, is expected to unearth incredible archaeological finds: the lost Oyster Card, an untouched Greggs pastry, and that sunglasses-wearing turtle rumored to rule the island with a moist but benevolent flipper.
Environmentalists have hailed the campaign, noting that “Wet Wipe Island” is almost as large as the Isle of Dogs, and, given British property prices, was only “a few council hearings away” from becoming luxury flats and oat-milk coffee shops.
Tour guide Sheila Pomp added, “It’s a relief – my American guests were asking if ‘Wet Wipe Island’ was where King Arthur stored his armor. I can’t keep a straight face forever.”
So farewell, great floating monument to modern convenience and probable E. coli. Your reign has been wiped clean—from the Thames, if not from our memories.
By: TheJestPress.com and Sponsored by: https://freecash.com/r/c97b0ab020579663572c
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