#WhiteHouseWonders #SecretServiceShuffle #KamalaUnplugged #TrumpTactics #SatireNews
By: TheJestPress.com and Sponsored by: https://freecash.com/r/c97b0ab020579663572c
**Trump Cancels Kamala Harris’ Secret Service Detail, Says ‘She’s Got Enough Security With All Those Fly Swatters’**
In what pundits are calling “bold, brash, and possibly borrowed from the plot of a slapstick movie,” former President Donald Trump reportedly canceled the Secret Service detail that had been quietly extended by a mysterious Biden executive order. The executive order, known to staffers as “Operation Keep Kamala From Running Away,” kept Vice President Kamala Harris surrounded by more black suits than a Men’s Wearhouse convention.
Trump, prepping for his 2024 ‘Return of the Jedi’ comeback tour, seized the opportunity to show just how much “draining the swamp” can also mean “slashing the security budget.” Speaking at a Mar-a-Lago bingo night, Trump announced, “Kamala doesn’t need the Secret Service. She’s already mastered the art of dodging questions and disappearing from the border. That’s self-defense enough!”
Sources say the Biden administration had kept Harris’ Secret Service detail ongoing well beyond what’s typical for vice presidents, allegedly out of an abundance of caution—or perhaps an abundance of confusion about who is actually in charge. “We just figured it was best to keep someone watching her,” said a White House intern, “especially after the infamous fly incident during the VP debate. You never can be too careful with airborne threats.”
Following the revocation, Harris was spotted perusing the local Home Depot security aisle, reportedly considering a six-pack of Ring doorbells and a child’s Batman costume “for when things get really dicey.” An anonymous staffer quipped, “Honestly, her security detail got more action trying to protect her from kale protestors than anything else.”
Critics fear this move could leave Harris vulnerable to both political opponents and errant bees, but supporters say this is just another ingenious cost-saving measure. “Next up, Trump might suggest she just rides the Metro. Or better yet, UberPOOL,” laughed another politico.
Stay tuned to TheJestPress for further developments, and remember—sometimes, the only thing more secure than Secret Service protection is simply not being seen at all.
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