#Satire #MiddleEast #DiplomacyDrama #BreakingNews #RedLinesCrossed
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**Hamas Demands Release of Prominent Prisoner, Israel Runs Out of Red Sharpies to Draw More Lines**
In a stunning display of “Wait, *you* actually think that’s negotiable?” Hamas leadership has officially demanded the release of a prominent Palestinian prisoner, marking the 74th “absolutely non-negotiable” red line Israel has drawn in the last week alone. Sources confirm Israel’s national stockpile of red Sharpies is at critical levels, with officials scrambling to order from Amazon Prime before the next negotiation session.
The prisoner in question, identified only as “The Guy With The Good WiFi Router,” is said to be the only person in Gaza with an internet connection stable enough to play Fortnite and stream Netflix in HD at the same time. “He is irreplaceable,” said a masked Hamas spokesman via an Instagram Live that buffered every four seconds. “His freedom is as crucial as unlimited data plans.”
Meanwhile, Israeli officials were spotted in Tel Aviv feverishly measuring out extra space on the notorious “red line board,” now double-layered after years of previous demands and counter-demands. “We’re not sure if this is actually a red line, a magenta suggestion, or a fuchsia boundary at this point,” admitted one exhausted diplomat, uncapping another nearly-dry marker.
Leading political analysts agree this saga could escalate into a full-on “Line War,” wherein actual physical lines are drawn across the negotiating table until it resembles a Jackson Pollock painting. Rumors swirl that the United Nations has contacted Crayola for emergency humanitarian aid.
As the world holds its breath for the next plot twist, one thing is certain: when it comes to Middle East negotiations, the only thing bolder than the rhetoric is the shade of red.
By: TheJestPress.com and Sponsored by: https://freecash.com/r/c97b0ab020579663572c
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