**Human Rights Court: Surprise! Turns Out Asking Athletes About Their Privates is a Bit Unfair**
By: TheJestPress.com
In today’s episode of “Authorities With Clipboards Making Things Super Awkward,” the Human Rights Court has dropped the bombshell verdict that Olympic champion Caster Semenya didn’t get a fair hearing in her sex eligibility case. Scientists everywhere are reportedly shocked—shocked!—that years of demanding invasive tests and awkward press conferences didn’t create the best environment for justice.
Semenya, who is very good at running and not so much at unsolicited medical inquisition, has spent years with officials less interested in her medal collection and more fascinated with her chromosomes. Now experts are pondering why nobody thought to hold the hearing in a non-judgmental environment. (Some recommended a cozy coffee shop, but the IOC insisted on a lab lit with the subtle glow of fluorescent bulbs and cold judgment.)
Official documents show the original hearing had all the fair sophistication of a 4th grade dodgeball selection. At one point, a judge reportedly flipped a coin while a medical expert doodled DNA strands on a napkin.
Legal scholars note the case is groundbreaking in that “Semenya’s hearing” apparently referred less to an actual hearing than to how many times officials could say “testosterone” before someone rolled their eyes hard enough to sprain a retina.
International sports leaders are now scrambling to react. One commented, “We totally support athletes of all backgrounds—especially if their backgrounds are not medically confusing to us.” Meanwhile, the Human Rights Court recommends future eligibility tests be replaced by a fun run and an awkward group hug.
Semenya, asked for comment, simply stated, “I’d like to get back to running, if that’s okay,” before, presumably, running circles around the committee.
#SportsSatire #HumanRights #Olympics #CasterSemenya #FairPlay
By: TheJestPress.com
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