# Satire #WWIIVeteran #CentenarianNews #UKHistory #ByTheJestPress
By: TheJestPress.com
UK’s Oldest WWII Veteran, Donald Rose, Dies at 110 – Nation Scrambles to Promote Slightly Younger Guy
In breaking news that has left the entire British commonwealth googling “what’s an appropriate age for a war hero?”, the UK’s oldest World War II veteran, Donald Rose, has died at the thoroughly impressive age of 110.
Rose, who outlived rationing, disco, and at least nine British Prime Ministers, had become a staple in local parades, WWII documentaries, and “astonishing birthday cake” features on the BBC. Starting his military career in 1939, Rose survived Dunkirk, the Blitz, and four decades of people trying to drag him onto “Good Morning Britain” for a feel-good segment.
His secret to long life? “Miserable rations, shouting ‘Oi!’ at the enemy, and an unwavering belief that tea solves all problems.” That, and apparently great genes—his last recorded conversation included berating his 78-year-old grandson for “nap time arrogance.”
As news of Rose’s passing spread, Downing Street’s crack team of intern genealogists has already begun frantically scanning census rolls for the next oldest living war hero. Insiders suggest that the frontrunner is 108-year-old Bert “Don’t Call Me Don” Jenkins, who has updated his LinkedIn to “UK’s Leading WWII Survivor (Available for Interviews & Ceremonial Ribbon Cuttings)”.
The Ministry of Defense has announced plans for a “modest but meaningful” commemoration, which includes a 21-teaspoon salute and the re-issue of Rose’s favorite song—Vera Lynn’s “We’ll Meet Again”—now remixed by Calvin Harris.
Meanwhile, British tabloids are scrambling to find black-and-white photos of Jenkins looking heroic, or at least slightly alive.
Rest in peace, Mr. Rose: your tea mug shall remain forever half-full, surrounded by medals and bemused grandkids.
By: TheJestPress.com
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