#DentistDrama #MurderByMouthwash #ProteinShakeScandal #DrillAndKill #ToothDecayTrial
By: TheJestPress.com
**Dentist Swaps Cavity Filling For Killer Filling: Local Dentist On Trial For Poison Protein Shake Plot**
In news that has shaken the dental and smoothie communities alike, Dr. Barry Cuspids, a once-beloved dentist renowned for his gentle scaling, is now making headlines for allegedly trading in fluoride for something a tad more fatal. Prosecutors allege Dr. Cuspids laced his wife’s daily protein shakes with poison, taking his commitment to “killing bad bacteria” a little too literally.
The courtroom drama is expected to last longer than a root canal without anesthesia. Prosecutors say Dr. Cuspids methodically devised the plot — opting for protein shakes, as “it’s the only thing she drinks without a straw” and thus wouldn’t notice the unusual aftertaste. Assistant District Attorney Molly Filling called the case, “open and shut — like a mouth after a blast of cold air on a sensitive tooth.”
Equally damning is Cuspids’ browser history: searches like “can poison be detected after blending with banana?”, “how to remove stubborn protein stains from lab coats”, and “is dental insurance accepted in prison?” have given investigators plenty to chew on.
Dr. Cuspids took the stand Wednesday and delivered an opening statement featuring terms like “incisor” and “gingivitis,” which, according to legal experts, “sounds official but is irrelevant.” His defense attorney, Jerry Plaque, maintains the case is full of holes: “My client has always prescribed mouthwash, not mouth-death.”
The trial has the public riveted, with protein shake sales down 73% and dentists everywhere nervously clarifying, “We just recommend flossing, nothing sinister!”
Jury selection is reportedly tricky, with one in three prospective jurors excused for “a lifelong fear of dentists.” Courtroom snacks now include only water and dry toast — just in case.
Stay tuned for more coverage as the verdict nears. Rumors say Crest and Colgate are already fighting over who gets the first exclusive interview.
By: TheJestPress.com
Leave a comment