#Satire #FEMA #FloodZone #UrbanPlanning #CampMystic
By: TheJestPress.com
**FEMA Accidentally Removes Camp Mystic Buildings from Flood Map After Mistaking Them for AirBnB Yurts**
In a daring stroke of bureaucratic genius, the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) has preemptively saved dozens of Camp Mystic buildings from disaster by simply erasing them from the 100-year flood map—just in time for the camp’s bold expansion. Records reveal that after reviewing the site with a blindfold and a Magic 8 Ball, FEMA quietly decided, “Eh, probably not gonna flood anyway.”
As FEMA spokesperson Rainie Deluge explained, “Why let flood zones get in the way of progress? Also, someone told us those buildings were just summer camp tents that fold up when it rains. So technically—no risk.”
The move has left longtime Camp Mystic attendees both relieved and confused. “I was worried I’d lose my bunk bed in a flood,” said local camper Maddy Wetfeet. “But FEMA says my cabin doesn’t exist anymore, so apparently, neither do my worries!”
Environmental activists are less amused, insisting this sets a dangerous precedent—especially after last year’s similar FEMA move, which reclassified the entire city of Atlantis as “arid highland.” “Why spend billions on infrastructure,” said activist Sandy Bankz, “when you can just drag-and-drop landmarks into safety using Photoshop?”
Not to be outdone, the American Urban Planners Association announced plans to create a “No Floodzone” app, offering homeowners the ability to remove their properties from flood maps for $9.99 per month—just in time for hurricane season.
Asked for comment, a FEMA official shrugged. “Look, flood maps are only accurate about once every 100 years anyway. In the meantime, we recommend everyone practice their backstroke and keep their inflatable unicorn handy.”
Camp Mystic will proceed with expansion, now confident their buildings are as untouchable as the Titanic’s “unsinkable” reputation.
By: TheJestPress.com
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