#RIPDonald #UKHistory #SuperCentenarian #WWIIHero #CheekyVeterans
By: TheJestPress.com
Britain is flying its metaphorical (and literal) Union Jack at half-mast as news broke that the nation’s oldest WWII veteran, Donald Rose, finally surrendered to enemy forces (i.e., time) at the age of 110. Rose leaves behind three children, six grandchildren, untold war stories, and at least five pairs of suspenders.
Rose, who survived both the London Blitz and his wife’s cooking, was known for his wicked sense of humor and tendency to correct young people’s grammar. When asked in 2019 the secret to his longevity, he famously quipped, “Never take up parachuting, and never trust the Americans with your tea.”
A spokesperson for the Ministry of Defence declared, “Donald represented the spine, grit, and improbable durability this nation prides itself on. He also consumed more cups of tea than most supermarkets produce daily, which, scientists say, may be Britain’s true super-soldier serum.”
Fellow members of his retirement community say Rose could often be found schooling millennials on how to properly fold a flag or recounting the time he “accidentally” ended up in Paris with only a beret and a bottle of mystery-brand sherry. “He was a living reminder that history isn’t just old black and white photos,” said resident Edith, age 96. “Also, he still owed me £3 for bingo night.”
Plans for his funeral include a 21-kettle salute and a commemorative distribution of Werther’s Originals at the door. Rose himself reportedly requested that, if possible, the entire ordeal be kept “short and with minimal bagpipe exposure, please.”
As the UK bids farewell to a genuine national treasure, we’re all left wondering: how many cups of tea does it take to live to 110? Donald Rose might’ve known, but he’s taken the answer — and the rest of the biscuits — with him.
By: TheJestPress.com
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