#Satire #MiddleEastNews #Gaza #WorldLeadersReact #HumanitarianEfforts
By: TheJestPress.com
**World Leaders Hastily Draft “Thoughts and Prayers Plus” Subscription Service Amidst Gaza Tragedy**
As news broke that 59 Palestinians in Gaza were killed by Israeli airstrikes or while seeking humanitarian aid, governments around the world snapped into coordinated inaction.
“We want the people of Gaza to know that we are monitoring the situation—on social media mostly—while drafting a strongly-worded tweet,” confirmed a spokesperson for the select Committee for Thoughtful Observations. “Every tragedy deserves at least two trending hashtags and some pixelated flag overlays.”
In response to the outpouring of global concern that consistently reaches double-digit likes, world leaders held a virtual summit to unveil their latest solution: a premium “Thoughts and Prayers Plus” subscription service. “For just $9.99 a month, subscribers can send Gaza a deluxe package of hashtag solidarity, two digital candle GIFs, and a coupon for 10% off next conflict’s moral outrage,” declared an enthusiastic Canadian deputy assistant under-minister.
Israeli officials, when questioned about civilian deaths, explained, “We are committed to investigating whether our definition of ‘investigate’ will change. Rest assured, findings will be published in our upcoming memoir: ‘Oops, All Collateral.’”
Meanwhile, the United States issued a clarifying statement: “We urge all parties to use extreme caution when dropping explosives or approaching people who might be in need of aid, or food, or existing.”
A UN special rapporteur expressed optimism, “With enough platitudes and trending campaigns, we might gently nudge history into resembling a doily. And if not, we’ll circle back with a more forceful meme.”
As events unfold, civilians on the ground say they await either actual aid or an upgrade to “Prayers Plus Ultra,” which (for premium members) promises at least a chance to appear in a celebrity’s 24-hour disappearing story.
By: TheJestPress.com
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