#MtFujiFiasco #TreeMendousTrouble #PeekaFuji #LoggingLaughs #SatireNews
By: TheJestPress.com
**Chinese Tourists Illegally Chop Down Trees to Get Unobstructed Selfie With Mt. Fuji**
In an event that has left environmentalists aghast and selfie sticks soaring in price, several groups of Chinese tourists have reportedly resorted to *illegally chopping down trees* in Japan to improve their view of the country’s iconic Mt. Fuji. Because, as tourists everywhere are quick to remind us, nothing says “once-in-a-lifetime experience” quite like illegally landscaping an entire forest for the perfect Instagram angle.
Eyewitnesses say the peaceful woods near Fujinomiya were suddenly alive with the sounds of *chainsaws, axes, and the faint hum of “She’ll Be Coming ‘Round the Mountain” in Mandarin*. These tourists were allegedly overheard complaining, “If I can’t see all of Fuji’s peak, did I even vacation?”—a philosophical position that has left Zen masters scratching their heads.
When questioned, a spokesperson for the tree-felling visitors commented, “Mt. Fuji is Japan’s pride and joy. But we suspect the trees were planted specifically to inconvenience our tour.” He went on to allege that the poor placement of the trees was discriminatory, especially against those whose phone cameras don’t have telephoto lenses.
Japanese authorities are responding swiftly by doubling fines for illegal logging to “more than the average souvenir budget for tourists.” They also plan to install “Do Not Cut Trees For Selfies” signs in six languages, as well as hologram holograms of angry forest spirits, which, frankly, will probably just end up as selfie backgrounds themselves.
Meanwhile, tree lovers everywhere are mourning the loss of several ancient pines, while Instagram continues to fill up with increasingly bold hashtags, such as #TimberForTheGram and #DeforestationSquad.
In completely unrelated news, chainsaw manufacturers have seen a mysterious bump in sales out of Beijing. Coincidence? Experts say: “Forest sure not.”
By: TheJestPress.com
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