#BreakingEggs #PlantPower #CarnivoreCrisis #ChildhoodCholesterol #StudyShocked
By: TheJestPress.com
**Kids Who Love Chicken Nuggets 131% More Likely To Host “Fatty Liver Party,” Says Study**
A new study has sent carnivorous kids—and their parents—into an existential spiral, after researchers found that eating more animal protein turns the liver into the ultimate party destination for metabolic dysfunction and its friends. In a revelation that’ll make every Hot Dog Eating Contest champion rethink their legacy, scientists report that children with higher animal protein intake have a whopping **131% higher chance** of developing metabolic dysfunction-associated fatty liver disease (MDFLD, or, as their livers call it: “Metabolic Dysfunction Palooza”).
Meanwhile, children with a penchant for plant protein—think beans, tofu, and parents with superhuman persuasion skills—enjoy a “VIP list” that apparently reduces their odds of MDFLD by **52%**, according to the study. When reached for comment, one broccoli-loving seven-year-old commented, “If being cool means having a quiet liver, then I’m the coolest kid at recess.”
Nutritionists everywhere are scrambling to change their Instagram handles from “KetoQueen” to “PlantProteinPapaya,” while children across the country stare in disbelief at their bacon bits. In response, fast food chains are hurriedly preparing their “Soy-Based Surprise Nuggets,” which will only surprise kids if they taste remotely like chicken.
Some parents are now threatening to replace birthday cakes with lentil loaves, while entire professions devoted to hiding vegetables in spaghetti sauce rejoice at this scientific vindication. “I’ve put so many peas in brownies, I have pea-PTSD,” one mother told TheJestPress.com.
The researchers concluded, “We’re not saying all kids need to hug a carrot, but if dinner comes with a moo, oink, or gobble, maybe throw a chickpea in there for good measure. Your child’s liver will thank you. Quietly. Because livers aren’t very talkative.”
#BreakingEggs #PlantPower #CarnivoreCrisis #ChildhoodCholesterol #StudyShocked
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