#Satire #MiddleEast #Netanyahu #Politics #WarGames
By: TheJestPress.com
Jerusalem—As the war in Gaza lurches into its latest “final” phase, experts are investigating a baffling phenomenon: somehow, Israel’s Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu keeps—purely coincidentally!—managing to stay in charge **the entire time**. Sources now confirm that Netanyahu has learned a timeless political lesson: when the going gets tough, the tough get going…and the war gets extended.
“What luck!” exclaimed journalist Oren Farblon, scrolling through election poll numbers that seem to swing wildly depending on whether sirens blare in Tel Aviv. “Most leaders get, say, a week of rally-around-the-flag. Netanyahu? He’s stretched that into a Netflix limited series.”
According to confidential reports, Netanyahu recently held a cabinet meeting where, between bites of kugel, he unveiled his newest re-election strategy: “Operation Infinite Cliffhanger.” Leaked PowerPoints show talking points like “always promise peace talks tomorrow” and “announce mysterious ‘breakthrough’ every Friday at 4PM.”
One anonymous Likud staffer confided, “It’s basic career planning, really. If you can distract voters with existential threats, they forget about little things like court dates or coalition drama. Ben-Gurion missed out—he didn’t have Telegram channels.”
The international community has taken note. French president Emmanuel Macron remarked, “If only we had thought of this in Paris. Protests everywhere, but no war to prolong—just my luck!”
Intelligence sources claim that, based on the current pace and strategic uncertainty, Netanyahu’s tenure now rivals that of the Queen’s corgis for longevity. “My goal is simple,” Netanyahu allegedly told aides. “I want Israelis to think: ‘War is terrible, but can you imagine negotiating a ceasefire and also picking someone to replace me? Oy vey.’”
Official statements insist that decisions remain focused solely on security—while official calendars reveal that Netanyahu’s “Retirement Tuesday” keeps mysteriously rescheduling itself to “After Next Ceasefire.”
Stay tuned: by next week, the Prime Minister might announce a bold new plan to negotiate a peace framework, scheduled right after his next re-election victory.
By: TheJestPress.com
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