#Satire #PamBondi #USJusticeDepartment #EthicsGone #BreakingNews
By: TheJestPress.com
**Pam Bondi Fires US Justice Department’s Top Ethics Adviser, Citing “Unhelpful Obsession With Ethics”**
Washington, D.C. — In a bold move showcasing her commitment to uncompromised leadership, Pam Bondi announced today the firing of the US Justice Department’s top ethics adviser, a position experts had worried for years might develop “dangerously high levels of integrity” within government ranks.
The now-former adviser, Dr. Mortimer Conscience, was reportedly escorted from the Justice Department building after attempting to distribute pamphlets entitled “How to Know When Something Feels Wrong (and Why That’s a Problem).” Witnesses say Bondi, allegedly wearing sunglasses indoors for dramatic effect, shook her head and muttered, “We simply can’t have this sort of thing catching on.”
Bondi defended her decision at a press conference, stating, “Unfortunately, our previous adviser was suffering from a severe case of moral clarity. Frankly, it was just slowing everything down. We’ll be replacing him with someone who understands that ethics are mostly…suggestions.”
Sources inside the Justice Department report the department is already seeking Bondi’s ideal candidate, rumored to be anyone with a background in interpretive dance, a working knowledge of disappearing emails, and absolutely no compass, moral or otherwise.
Bondi reassured the public this move would “streamline justice” and “reduce pesky obstacles like accountability, clarity, and sleep at night.” In a prepared statement, she added, “Who among us hasn’t bent the rules…or tried to microwave fish in the office? Let’s move past this purity obsession. It’s time for more flexible scruples!”
Meanwhile, Dr. Conscience was seen on a park bench, gently weeping into a pocket Constitution. He has since announced the formation of a new organization: “Ethics Anonymous,” where attendees can “admit they once cared and receive the help they truly deserve.”
By: TheJestPress.com
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