#CopperForBrains #SeniorScience #ShinyMinds #EatYourPennies #JestPressHealth
By: TheJestPress.com
**New Study Finds Eating More Pennies May Boost Grandma’s Brain Power**
WASHINGTON, D.C.—A groundbreaking US study has found a previously overlooked superfood hiding in plain sight: copper. According to researchers at the Institute for Senior Surprises, older adults who consumed more dietary copper were found to have better cognitive function, clearer memories, and could finally figure out how to set the clock on the microwave.
“Our data suggest that dietary copper significantly boosts mental sharpness in the elderly,” says Dr. Mindy Metallurgist, lead researcher and licensed alchemist. “In fact, we believe copper might just revolutionize the way seniors approach both nutrition and coin collections.”
The results tracked over 1,000 seniors as they gobbled down everything from copper-rich kale to, in one regrettable case, several loose change jars. While doctors recommend copper intake through leafy vegetables and shellfish, some participants reportedly began licking doorknobs and ordering ‘extra pipe shavings’ at their local diners.
Not everyone was quick to get on board. “Back in my day, we didn’t need fancy metals to remember our grandkids’ names,” grumbled participant Harold ‘Half-Dollar’ Dunphy, 78. “We just yelled the wrong one until someone answered.”
The study now has dietary supplement makers racing to market copper-enriched cereals, energy drinks, and even copper-infused memory foam pillows. The CDC, however, warns that eating actual pennies is still not considered part of a balanced diet, regardless of how clever you feel after the fourth one.
Despite the excitement, more research is needed to determine if there’s such a thing as **too much** copper. “Early test subjects who overdid it complained of an overpowering urge to critique their children’s investments in Bitcoin,” Dr. Metallurgist noted.
Conclusion: Whether through a spinach salad or a gentle pat of the lucky penny, America’s older adults are one serving of copper away from finally beating their grandkids at Jeopardy.
By: TheJestPress.com
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