#AutismResearch #FamilyDynamics #CascadingEffects #TooLoudOrTooQuiet #SatireScience
By: TheJestPress.com
**New Study Reveals Autism Symptoms Simply a Byproduct of Your Extremely Loud Family**
In an earth-shattering revelation shaking the very bouncy castle of autism research, scientists have confirmed what your Aunt Linda has suspected all along: autism symptoms may just be your brain’s response to your family’s insistence on holding every dinner conversation at 120 decibels.
Dubbed the “cascading effects model” (not to be confused with the more popular ‘cascade dishwashing liquid’ model), this theory suggests that a child’s experience of the world depends entirely on how many siblings are screaming at any given moment. If you thought your sensory overload was unique, turns out it’s just what happens when your cousin Chad breaks another drumstick during Sunday supper.
Researchers explained, “For some families, sensory overload means lights and sounds that could rival a dance club at 2 a.m. For others, it’s *not enough excitement*, like trying to watch paint dry in a library. It’s all about perspective, really. The mysterious root of a child’s symptoms might be Grandpa’s hearing aid feedback or Mom’s ongoing commitment to pan flute lessons.”
The new findings have turned the world of clinical diagnostics upside down. “We now recommend clinicians attend at least three of a family’s Thanksgiving dinners before making any decisions,” one neurologist said. “If the stuffing is louder than the fireworks, we call it ‘typical family chaos.’ If a leaf falling startles everyone, further testing may be needed.”
Parents are, naturally, confused and relieved. Bob from Wichita remarked, “So, my son doesn’t have sensory processing issues? We just have too many uncles playing air guitar?”
Yes, Bob. And in the cascading effects model, the true test of sensory tolerance is surviving your cousin’s unique rendition of ‘Free Bird’—again.
By: TheJestPress.com
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