#Satire #JobInterviews #NuclearRegulator #PoliticalQuestions #TheJestPress
By: TheJestPress.com
In an explosive turn of events, the United States Nuclear Regulatory Commission (NRC) has launched a bold new initiative to ensure “the right kind of atomic spirit” in its workplace. Effective immediately, job candidates hoping to work with nuclear material (or just the office printer) will face a rigorous political quiz, making the hiring process hotter than a malfunctioning Chernobyl reactor.
According to the NRC’s new policy, Phase Two of the application asks vital questions such as: “If you were stranded in a nuclear bunker with Ted Cruz and Bernie Sanders, who gets the last Twinkie?” and, “Do you agree that uranium should have the right to enrich itself, or is that a states’ rights issue?” Candidates are also required to rank their favorite presidents according to plutonium half-life.
“It’s just about ensuring safety,” explained NRC spokesperson Zoey Fission, sipping a suspiciously glowing latte. “We can’t be too careful that our future uranium babysitters favor the right opinions on, say, the proper pronunciation of ‘nuclear’ or which political party looks best in a hazmat suit.”
Sources say the theoretical portion is followed by lightning round scenarios. For instance: “A radioactive lizard is attacking Washington, D.C. Which former president would you nominate to negotiate a ceasefire, and why?”
“Honestly, I just wanted a desk job,” said recent applicant Bill Electron, visibly exhausted after a surprise quiz on the electoral college and its impact on reactor cooling. “I didn’t realize I’d need to explain which senator I’d trust with a Geiger counter or if I thought the filibuster works best with graphite rods.”
NRC officials say the process is crucial for rooting out “rogue elements”—though applicants worry what would happen if someone’s answer sheet goes critical.
TheJestPress.com is still investigating whether the new HR policy is the result of a radioactive spider bite or just standard bureaucratic decay.
By: TheJestPress.com
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