#LostLuggage #MiracleAirport #WhereIsMyBag #TravelMystery #AirportSatire
By: TheJestPress.com
**This Airport Hasn’t Lost a Single Piece of Luggage in Over 30 Years 🤯**
In what aviation experts are calling either “a modern miracle” or “highly suspicious,” the little-known Port Maple International Airport claims it hasn’t lost a single piece of luggage in over three decades. While other airports mechanically yeet your checked bag into the void between “departed” and “never seen again,” Port Maple says their baggage handling record is 100%—a figure matched only by those airports that demand carry-on only, and your mother’s living room.
“I’ve got bags here older than my children,” boasted Chief Baggage Whisperer, Doris McWidget, while stroking a vintage Samsonite. “We tag ‘em, we bag ‘em, and we absolutely refuse to let them slip away—even if the owners beg us.”
Travelers share mixed feelings. Samuel Tiddley, who just flew in from Newark, said: “At first I felt reassured. Then I realized my suitcase had been waiting for me at the carousel before I even landed. Is…is that normal?”
Airport officials are tight-lipped about their methods, only revealing their secret involves “a highly-motivated raccoon named Gary, 72 miles of duct tape, and a deep belief in karma.” Insiders hint at a “no suitcase left behind” boot camp where rookie baggage handlers practice catching bags launched from a trebuchet.
Conspiracy theories abound. Some claim the airport’s luggage integrity is due to a wormhole in baggage claim that spits bags out directly into passengers’ trunks. Others suspect advanced AI, or that Port Maple simply doesn’t allow luggage on planes.
Whatever the truth, nervous fliers everywhere have begun flocking to Port Maple, drawn by the promise that their second-favorite pair of socks will never vanish between connecting flights. As for complaints? “We tried to lose a bag once,” Doris confesses, “but it kept finding its way home. We just embraced it.”
So, is it magic? Technology? Or Gary’s sheer raccoon willpower? Only Port Maple knows. The rest of us are checking our AirTags in envy.
By: TheJestPress.com
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