#Satire #WorldNews #Iran #NuclearThreat #UNBothered
By: TheJestPress.com
In an announcement that has totally surprised absolutely no one, Iranian officials have once again stated their intention to maybe, possibly, probably—if they feel like it—do something “nuclear.” This latest threat follows a rich tradition of Iran reminding the international community that it, too, can send poorly Photoshopped pictures of missiles soaring through the clouds.
The Iranian Minister of Intimidation, Mahmoud Reactor, told state TV, “We are not bluffing this time, unless we are, which we’re not… or are we? You’ll never know. Watch out.” When asked for comment, the United Nations Security Council issued a strongly worded PDF, which has now been forwarded to nearly thirteen people.
Meanwhile, Iranian scientists were quick to remind the world that their nuclear program exists solely for “peaceful energy” purposes and “our national hobby of scaring Western diplomats.” In a behind-the-scenes tour offered to skeptical reporters, scientists were observed conducting intensive research, using nothing but Mentos, Diet Coke, and a questionable knowledge of physics.
Local citizens appeared largely unfazed. “Every six months, they say this,” reported Tehran resident Farhad U. Kidding. “At this point, ‘nuclear threat’ is just code for ‘we want trending hashtags again.’”
The United States responded by holding an emergency press conference in which several high-ranking officials gave each other anxious looks, then announced the deployment of 25,000 more hashtags—and a stern TikTok dance meant to “raise awareness.”
Analysts predict that, in keeping with tradition, Iran’s next nuclear threat will be made during a particularly slow news week or whenever the price of shawarma rises unexpectedly. For now, the international community is preparing its next move: a fresh supply of hashtag-based diplomacy, and, if all else fails, a generic statement about how “all options are on the table”—except, obviously, the good snacks.
By: TheJestPress.com
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