#SurrogateSituation #ArcadiaOddities #ParentingProblems #TooManyKids #BreakingBabies
By: TheJestPress.com
**Arcadia, CA** — Local authorities were left speechless Tuesday after discovering not one, not two, but *twenty-one* infants “chilling out like some kind of upper-crust baby hostel” in the Arcadian abode of Cheryl Simmons, 38, a self-described “surrogate enthusiast” and “amateur baby collector.”
Neighbors had reportedly become suspicious after Simmons’ Amazon deliveries went from the usual yoga pants and fidget spinners to bulk pallets of diapers, formula, and something ominously labeled “Mega-Wipez.” When questioned, Simmons simply replied, “I have a lot of houseplants. Very messy.”
Upon entering, officers encountered the surreal scene: twenty-one tiny humans, all peacefully napping in coordinated cloud-patterned cribs, Mozart playing softly in the background, and a faint aroma of talcum powder mixed with existential dread.
When asked how this literal baby boom happened, Simmons explained, “I heard about people getting dogs and cats to rent out on Airbnb. I thought, ‘Why not babies?’ Millennials love subscription services.” Simmons, who previously worked at a startup, claimed she was “just disrupting the parenting industry the way Elon disrupted cars.”
Surrogacy experts were baffled but intrigued, with one commenting, “It’s heartening to see this level of entrepreneurial spirit, but maybe not with… you know… actual people.”
Authorities confirmed that all 21 babies were healthy, happy, and “already forming their own HOA,” according to one preschool development specialist. However, the city of Arcadia is reportedly preparing new zoning ordinances, stating, “No more than 5.5 babies per capita per household.”
Meanwhile, Simmons plans to pivot, stating, “I’m moving into teen surrogacy next. If you think babies are profitable, wait until you see the markup on teenagers who’ll grow up to mow your lawn.”
**At press time, neighbors could be seen frantically installing baby-proof fences and Googling ‘What is happening?’ on repeat.**
By: TheJestPress.com
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