#DogDaysOfKim #MeatTheDemand #HotDogSummer #PyongyangCookout #SatireNews
By: TheJestPress.com
**N. Korean Traders Scramble to Secure Dog Meat Supply Ahead of Peak Summer Demand**
In what scientists are now calling the world’s “most poorly timed, slightly unhinged Black Friday,” North Korean dog meat traders are reportedly stampeding through markets to snatch up every last available pooch ahead of the peninsula’s annual summer dog meat boom.
According to the Association of North Korean Hot Dog (Not What You Think) Vendors, supplies are under extraordinary pressure. “We haven’t seen this kind of chaos since that time someone confused a parade of Pomeranians for a sausage shipment,” claimed Mr. Kim Bark-sung, a seasoned canine cuisine entrepreneur. “The traders are barking mad out here. Last week, I saw a guy trade his bicycle, his cousin’s dentures, and a vintage Kim Jong Il commemorative spoon just to secure a dachshund.”
Summer is known as the “dog days” on the peninsula, a phrase that North Koreans apparently took quite literally. Local tradition maintains that dog meat soup heats the body and gives you more stamina, perfect for surviving both the triple-digit heat and Kim Jong Un’s latest lecture on potato production.
Meanwhile, South Korea’s pet stores are reportedly installing additional security systems — surveillance cameras, laser tripwires, and giant photos of vegan celebrities — “just in case something crosses the border,” said one manager.
International reaction remains mixed. The UN issued a strongly worded statement that essentially boiled down to, “Not our circus, not our Labradors.” PETA, however, has announced plans to launch a new North Korean branch, currently consisting of a single pamphlet and several impassioned pigeons.
Still, one can’t help but marvel at Pyongyang’s entrepreneurial spirit. As Mr. Kim Bark-sung put it, “It’s a dog-eat-dog world out there. Please don’t print that — it’s bad for business.”
By: TheJestPress.com
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