#Satire #USImmigration #GeographyFail #BreakingNews #EswatiniOrBust
By: TheJestPress.com
In a bold and wildly inventive move this week, U.S. immigration officials have deported dozens of immigrants from Jamaica, Cuba, and various other countries—not to their homelands, but instead to the tiny African kingdom of Eswatini. The plan was reportedly inspired by “a really confusing episode of Jeopardy” and a malfunctioning globe in the Immigration Office break room.
“We just kept spinning it and landing on Eswatini, so it felt right,” explained one official, who asked to remain anonymous because, in his words, “I still don’t know where Eswatini is.”
Deportees reportedly stepped off the plane in Eswatini and immediately asked, “Where’s Kingston?” and “Does anyone know where to find salsa dancing around here?” Local Swazi officials, confused but polite, greeted the newcomers with traditional SiSwati welcomes and, out of courtesy, a complimentary subscription to National Geographic.
The U.S. Department of Homeland Security justified the coincidence by citing “modern efficiency measures” and “just-in-time geography.” One spokesperson explained, “After years of wrestling with travel restrictions and paperwork, we thought, why not simplify? Everyone gets a trip to Eswatini. It’s fun to say!”
International observers were quick to notice the mix-up after a Cuban grandmother went viral on TikTok for wandering through sugar cane fields muttering, “Esto no es La Habana, this is not Havana, eh?” Meanwhile, Jamaicans tried introducing reggae to Eswatini, with one local saying, “We actually like it. It’s better than vuvuzelas.”
Legal experts predict the error will be resolved once U.S. officials realize that Eswatini isn’t the new name for “a Caribbean cruise ship.” In the meantime, Swazi tourism reports an all-time high in requests for jerk chicken and daiquiris.
In related news, U.S. geography classes will now be taught exclusively with blindfolded map darts and Netflix documentaries.
By: TheJestPress.com
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