#DairyDiplomacy #MilkMatters #MooZealand #CanadaEh #GlobalCheese
By: TheJestPress.com
OTTAWA—In what international relations experts are calling “the most significant milk-based handshake since the invention of the latte,” Canada and New Zealand have officially resolved their long-standing dairy trade dispute—ending years of simmering tensions and lactose-fueled passive aggression.
Details of the historic agreement were released today in a joint statement delivered from a pasture somewhere in Manitoba and a sheep-friendly meadow in New Zealand. The statement read simply: “Let’s milk it for all it’s worth.”
For years, Canadian officials accused New Zealand of flooding global markets with “suspiciously perky cheddar” and “dairy so fresh it practically mooed.” Meanwhile, New Zealand diplomats whispered in hushed tones that Canadian milk bags “defied both nature and logic” and labelled poutine “a cheese curd crime.”
“It was udderly ridiculous,” confessed one Canadian negotiator. “We were at a real impasse after New Zealand’s ambassador showed up to talks wearing a cow costume and started miming a haka dance with a block of Edam.”
The peace accord means Canada has agreed to stop calling New Zealand butter “fancy margarine” while New Zealand will publically acknowledge that Tim Hortons does, in fact, sell coffee and not just hot, diluted milk.
Global economists are already forecasting a boom in cheese-based memes and predicting a 384% increase in questionable milk puns, despite clear warnings from the World Health Organization.
Prime Minister Justin Trudeau addressed the nation: “This is a great day for fans of both hockey and sheep. May our creamer always be international and our trade disputes forever pasture-ized.”
As part of the ceremonial closing, both countries have agreed to host the first-ever “Cow and Kiwi Cup,” a sporting event featuring milk chugging, sheepdog curling, and a butter sculpting tribute to world peace.
If only world peace was as easy as just… milking it.
By: TheJestPress.com
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