#BustedAbroad #SingaporeSlammers #SexDrugScandal #OopsTheyDidItAgain #CrimeDoesNotPay
By: TheJestPress.com
SINGAPORE – In a plot twist worthy of a budget heist movie, five foreigners have been charged for a remarkably creative—but deeply misguided—scheme: allegedly getting themselves arrested in Singapore, just so they could peddle illicit sex drugs. Because apparently, “when in Singapore, do as the S’poreans don’t.”
Sources say the group hatched the cunning plan after realizing that regular tourists collect fridge magnets, but true entrepreneurs collect criminal records. Their stated business model involved dramatic self-arrests (think: screaming “Take me, officers!” in fluent, Google-translated Singlish) and distributing unsolicited performance enhancers to cellmates and, perhaps, unsuspecting prison guards.
“It’s an innovative adaptation of guerrilla marketing,” said absolutely no economist ever.
Law enforcement confirmed that the suspects’ tactics included: loitering suspiciously near police stations, repeatedly jaywalking at traffic lights, and attempting to sneak chewing gum into MRT stations “for extra authenticity.” Apparently, one member even insisted officers try his “SuperPower Rhino Mega-Blast,” claiming it would turn their truncheons into magic wands.
When asked for comment, a Singapore Police spokesperson simply laughed for three minutes straight, before advising: “If you want to get arrested in Singapore, just try busking without a permit. You don’t need to get creative.”
The judiciary is still trying to decide whether to classify the incident as a criminal offense, a comedy routine, or free market research for pharmaceutical companies. Meanwhile, Singaporean residents have expressed a mix of amusement, confusion, and the age-old wisdom: “Don’t play-play with Singapore law, lah.”
Legal experts expect the suspects’ next gig to involve remote learning—possibly by Zoom, from Changi Prison’s luxurious visitor centre. When asked if they regret their choices, one replied: “This wasn’t the customer base we had in mind.”
Moral of the story: Crime doesn’t pay, but apparently, neither does marketing sex drugs to a cellblock.
By: TheJestPress.com
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