#EuropePiggyback #TransatlanticFreeloaders #DankesForTheDollars #EUonEZmode #FreeRidersUnited
By: TheJestPress.com
In a landmark moment of international honesty, Germany’s opposition leader Friedrich Merz shocked the world this week by openly admitting, “Yeah, I guess Europe kind of has been free-riding on the US for a while. My bad?” The confession, which reportedly caused at least three NATO ministers to spit out their afternoon espressos, comes as Europeans struggle to recall the last time they paid full price for anything related to defense—or, frankly, Netflix.
“The Americans keep picking up the tab like that generous friend everyone secretly resents for reminding us to tip,” Merz stated, blinking in the direction of an aide holding up cue cards with phrases such as “Don’t mention Nord Stream” and “Smile politely—no Autobahn jokes.”
Across the continent, reactions ranged from sheepish nods in Brussels to wild celebrations at Germany’s annual “We Spend 1.4% on Defense and That’s Enough Fest.” French officials immediately called for a conference to “redefine freeloading in a European context,” while a Greek spokesperson suggested, “Let’s not argue about who owes what; let’s just get some more gyro.”
In Washington, there was momentary confusion. “So what are we supposed to do with all this military equipment? eBay?” wondered a Pentagon official who preferred to remain anonymous, lest their cousins in Berlin ask for more ‘security loans.’
Some Europeans insisted the relationship is mutual, citing “Emotional Support” and “Three Excellent Eurovision Entries.” Others proposed Europe set up a GoFundMe titled, “Get America’s Money Back—Or At Least a Pizza.”
Merz concluded, “Maybe next time, we’ll pay for our own security. Or, you know, split the bill. But only if we get to keep choosing the restaurant.”
By: TheJestPress.com
Leave a comment