#CrimeSceneIdol #Whodunit #NotSoGoldenTicket #HollywoodHomicide #SatireNews
By: TheJestPress.com
**”American Idol Music Supervisor Tragically Murdered, Nation Fears Future of Dramatic Elimination Songs”**
In a shocking development straight out of a mediocre crime drama, local authorities have charged a man with the alleged murder of “American Idol” music supervisor Amy Dunn (actual names changed so Simon Cowell doesn’t sue us) and her husband, Phillip “Still Not The Next American Idol” Dunn. The heinous crime has left fans across the nation pondering: Who will now select the perfect emotionally-appropriate ballad for the top 10’s inevitable breakdowns?
The accused, described by neighbors as a man who “only watched ‘The Voice’ and owned two karaoke machines,” reportedly did not appreciate the subtle art of selecting the right Coldplay cover for a 17-year-old from Oklahoma’s big moment. Police have yet to confirm whether the motive involved an unsatisfactory song choice, auto-tune abuse, or just being forced to sit through another season where everyone pretends to spontaneously burst into song.
Authorities found the crime scene chillingly silent, save for a lone, off-key version of “Since U Been Gone” looping in the background. “It was haunting,” one investigator stated while fighting back tears, “not just because of the tragedy, but because no one needs to hear that song eight times in a row.”
Speculation now looms over the future of “American Idol.” Insiders wonder if producers will start outsourcing music supervision to Spotify’s “Sad Pop” playlist, or worse—let the judges pick the songs themselves (Randy would pick “Pants on the Ground” every week).
As the nation processes this loss, one thing is certain: In the world of reality TV, not even the music supervisors are safe. Stay tuned for updates, but in the meantime, hug your favorite karaoke DJ a little tighter tonight.
By: TheJestPress.com
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