#Satire #COVID19 #VaccineNews #Science #MiceTakeOver
By: TheJestPress.com
**Bold New COVID Vaccine Rocks World of Mice; Humans Jealous**
In a breakthrough sure to redefine the landscape of both medical science and rodent wellness, researchers have unveiled a COVID-19 vaccine candidate that offers strong protection across multiple variants—at least if you happen to be a mouse. The new vaccine, ingeniously targeting features shared by a whole range of coronaviruses, promises broad and long-lasting immunity—potentially until the cheese runs out.
Studying large groups of very well-paid mice (who were compensated in wheel-time and an unlimited supply of tiny lab jackets), scientists observed that the squeaky test subjects shrugged off every variant thrown at them: Alpha, Delta, and even the rarely discussed “Breakfast Burrito” variant. “Our mice are basically unstoppable at this point,” said Dr. Paula Pinsqueak, lead scientist and part-time rodentine linguist. “They’re safer from COVID than most people are from Mondays.”
Human trial participants, however, have responded with mixed feelings. “On one hand, it’s great to see progress,” said one disappointed biped. “On the other hand, unless I suddenly sprout whiskers and a tail, I’m still stuck dodging germs in aisle 7.”
Pharmaceutical companies, already hard at work marketing “Moucinex: Now For Mice!”, are now facing tough ethical questions: Will humans need to befriend highly-vaccinated mice for their own protection? Should we all just move into the walls and learn the ways of cheese?
Still, Dr. Pinsqueak urges caution. “Humans shouldn’t panic yet,” she says. “We’re only a few decades away from making this work for creatures who don’t live in shoeboxes.”
Until then, all hail our healthy, mask-free mouse overlords.
By: TheJestPress.com
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