#Satire #TrumpNews #AlternativeFacts #IranNuclear #Breaking
By: TheJestPress.com
**Trump Administration Denies New Report on Iran’s Nuclear Sites, Suggests CNN Mistook ‘IKEA Assembly Instructions’ for Uranium Diagrams**
WASHINGTON D.C. – The Trump administration has denied a recent intelligence report suggesting new activity at Iran’s nuclear sites, claiming that, once again, America’s leading scientists have “gotten a little carried away with their night vision goggles and imagination.”
At a hastily called White House press conference, former President Trump himself appeared via Zoom from his Mar-a-Lago golf cart to clarify: “Look, folks, there’s no nuclear program. I’ve seen the pictures. If anything, those look like blueprints for a really complicated Swedish table. Maybe a bookshelf. Trust me, nobody knows IKEA like I do.”
White House officials doubled down, arguing that images obtained by the UN were actually “completely innocent construction projects,” possibly a new branch of popular Iranian restaurant ‘Nuclear Falafel’.
“A lot of wires, a lot of confusing diagrams, but let’s not get crazy and call it uranium enrichment,” said spokesperson Chad McFreedom. “It’s probably just an overambitious kitchen remodel. CNN just panics if they see a thermometer and a magnifying glass.”
Critics accused the administration of “playing hide and seek with international security,” to which Trump responded, “I’m the best at hide and seek. Just ask my tax returns.”
Secretary of State Mike Pompeo, when pressed for comment, said, “The only thing Iran is building is hype. Show me an actual reactor and I’ll eat my shoe. And I don’t mean on a private server!”
As the debate continues, White House insiders say they are considering sending Kim Kardashian to inspect the sites because, according to officials, “If she can assemble a successful law career out of nothing, she can find a nuclear reactor anywhere.”
Iran had no official response, as their government reportedly spent the afternoon looking for a tiny Allen wrench.
By: TheJestPress.com
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