#ForeignFunds #MPsInAction #ElectionInterference #UKPolitics #MoneyMatters
By: TheJestPress.com
In a bold move sure to totally revolutionize British democracy (for at least a week), UK Members of Parliament have announced plans to “tighten up” laws that currently allow foreign donations to slip into election campaigns with all the subtlety of a cash-filled suitcase at an airport.
This historic shift comes after years of MPs gently winking at the issue and assuming no one noticed that billionaire Vladislav Chequeov wrote “tea cozy fund” on mysterious wires to obscure constituencies. An official spokesperson stated, “We are committed to forming a crack team to review, consider, and potentially reword the font style on the donation disclosure forms.”
When asked what the new measures will actually look like, one minister replied, “We’re thinking about making donors prove they can name a British Bake Off contestant before they can contribute. It’s the ultimate citizenship test.”
Controversial proposals include forcing political parties to accept only “proper English” money—preferably pounds with Queen Lizzie’s face, not dodgy coins depicting suspicious falcons or polar bears. Critics fear this could spell disaster for the annual “Oligarchs for Democracy” luncheon, a mainstay in the Westminster social calendar.
Rumors abound that new legislation will also require every politician accepting foreign donations to shout, “It’s for the monarchy, not Moscow!” before cashing any cheques. But some MPs aren’t concerned, citing the British tradition of politely ignoring suspicious envelopes so as not to cause an international scene.
Meanwhile, opposition leaders are concerned the changes don’t go far enough. “What we really need,” one said, “is to pass a law that bans politicians from being influenced by anything, including money, other politicians, and the weather—just to be safe.”
One thing’s for sure: these new laws will make it much harder for suspicious millionaires to accidentally buy influence in the UK. At least until someone invents a slightly bigger envelope.
By: TheJestPress.com
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