#DeltaAI #PlaneTruth #AffordableFlying #SkyHighPrices #TicketShock
By: TheJestPress.com
In its latest attempt to make air travel as emotionally draining as possible, Delta Airlines has unveiled a controversial new artificial intelligence system that will soon set ticket prices based on what you can afford–and, if we’re being honest, probably even what you *can’t* afford.
Dubbed the “Fare Assessment Revenue Tracker,” or “FART” for short (Delta insists that wasn’t an accident), the AI scans your browsing history, social media activity, and even those embarrassing Spotify playlists to create a “personalized fare profile.” Frequent searches for “cheap flights” or “how to budget for vacation” may land you a suspiciously affordable ticket—just kidding, you’ll probably just get a pop-up advising you to “try Greyhound next time.”
“We’re really excited to use AI to take the mystery out of airfare,” said Delta’s Head of Algorithmic Squeezing, Ned Skimmer. “From now on, tickets will reflect your lifestyle. If we see you’ve just paid off your student loans or got a raise, don’t be surprised when your fare goes from ‘basic economy’ to ‘basic bankruptcy.’”
Critics argue the technology is invasive, but Delta remains unphased. In fact, they’re considering partnerships so AI can factor in your last Venmo transactions, Instagram vacations, and whether you ordered the avocado toast last brunch.
Travelers are advised to start Googling “how to look poor online” and scrubbing Instagram of any poolside margarita photos. Early testers of the AI have reported wild fluctuations in price after posting “feeling blessed!” memes.
One anonymous frequent flyer, still reeling, said: “I tried booking incognito, but Delta knew I’d just gotten my tax refund. My ticket to Atlanta is $1,250 and they suggested I apply for a small business loan mid-booking.”
So, get ready for the future of flight pricing: where the only thing more unpredictable than turbulence is your ticket price.
By: TheJestPress.com
Leave a comment