#Satire #MiddleEastPeace #NotTheOnion #UnlikelyAlliances #CeasefireSorta
By: TheJestPress.com
**Israel and Syria Agree to Ceasefire; Israel Graciously Allows Syrian Troops to Visit Sweida, But Only If They Promise to Behave**
An unprecedented move in Middle Eastern diplomacy occurred this week as Israel and Syria formally agreed to a ceasefire, with Israel graciously permitting Syrian troops limited access to the city of Sweida. The historic accord comes on the heels of what diplomats are calling, “the least tense game of Risk ever played in a UN break room.”
Under the terms, Israel assured Syria that their troops could enter Sweida for “light sightseeing, light snacking, and absolutely no invasions.” Syrian commanders are required to leave souvenir shops with nothing heavier than a fridge magnet, under the direct supervision of Israeli mall cops.
Both nations have already established a “No No-No List,” which covers such items as:
– No tanks in gift shops
– No marching bands before 10 a.m.
– And absolutely no “accidentally conquering” while taking tourist selfies.
A spokesperson for Israel explained, “We figured this would show the world we’re committed to peace. Plus, Sweida’s falafel is fantastic, and who are we to deny anyone decent street food?”
Syria’s foreign minister responded warmly: “Thanks for the VIP passes. Our soldiers don’t get out much these days unless it’s armed. Now, they can get out… less armed!”
Tourism officials in Sweida have responded by commissioning “I Visited During the Ceasefire and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt” merchandise in both Hebrew and Arabic.
Meanwhile, the United Nations is reportedly “cautiously optimistic,” mainly because they haven’t seen two countries agree on lunch plans, let alone military access, in years. “The Middle East is finally showing the rest of us how to compromise,” said one UN official. “By limiting access, sharing snacks, and leaving the heavy artillery at home.”
When asked if the peace would hold, both sides shrugged, “Let’s just take it one shawarma at a time.”
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