#KumAndGone #MaverikMakeover #IowaNews #RebrandingBlues #GasStationGags
By: TheJestPress.com
**Kum & Go Forced to Rebrand as Maverik, Iowans Mourn Loss of Favorite Punchline**
In a move that has left Iowans both confused and deeply nostalgic, beloved convenience store chain Kum & Go will soon be shedding its innuendo-rich name for the more rugged and less giggle-inducing title, Maverik.
Locals are already organizing candlelight vigils and GoFundMe campaigns to “Save the Kum & Go,” citing fond memories of their adolescent snickers and awkward attempts at explaining to out-of-state relatives where they bought their Monster energy drink. “This is an attack on Iowa’s proud tradition of slightly inappropriate puns,” said Des Moines resident and self-proclaimed Kum & Go historian Brandon Fiddlesticks. “If we lose Kum & Go, what’s next? Fareway switching to Nearway?”
According to store officials, the rebrand aims for a ‘Wild West’ vibe. When asked if “Maverik” was chosen because it was harder to turn into a Facebook meme, a company spokesperson replied, “We can neither confirm nor deny the existence of a secret memo entitled ‘Operation: Reduce T-Shirt Sales at Bachelor Parties.’”
In preparation for the change, concerned parents have begun stocking up on Kum & Go merchandise before it becomes a collector’s item (or at least a collector’s punchline). Meanwhile, local comedians are experiencing record levels of stress as they scramble to rewrite entire sets focused around their favorite double entendre.
Iowa governor Kim Reynolds issued a statement: “We understand the emotional impact this change will have—it’s truly a challenging time for anyone who has ever snickered at a gas station sign.”
As the Kum & Go signs come down, replaced by the bold Maverik logos, Iowa is left wondering if its sense of humor will ever truly recover. In the meantime, one thing is certain: no Maverik logo will ever grace the cover of a “Top 10 Funniest Gas Station Names” calendar.
By: TheJestPress.com
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