#Satire #BreakingNews #Tennessee #PrenatalCare #UnmarriedScandal
By: TheJestPress.com
**Exclusive: Pregnant Woman in Tennessee Denied Prenatal Care for Being Unmarried**
In an incident that has shocked the 21st century, local Tennessee woman Rachel Hopkins was allegedly denied prenatal care at a Nashville clinic yesterday—not for lack of insurance, but because she is, like Beyoncé famously sang, “putting a ring on nothing.”
According to witnesses with excellent hearing (who refuse to mind their own business), the receptionist gasped loudly enough to induce her own labor, then asked Hopkins to present “proof of holy matrimony, two witnesses, and blessings from at least one great-aunt” before any fetal monitoring could commence.
Hopkins, 28, shared her outrage: “At first, I thought they just didn’t like my ‘World’s Best Mom’ T-shirt, but pretty soon I realized my actual baby was less welcome than an out-of-state license plate.“
The Tennessee Clinic Network promptly issued a statement: “We believe in traditional values: handshakes, casseroles, and ignoring both science and court decisions from the last fifty years. Our motto has always been, ‘Why treat when you can judge?’”
When asked how this policy affects the state’s already dismal maternal health ranking, the governor responded: “Sunshine and judgment heal more than medicine ever could. In Tennessee, we don’t just deliver babies, we deliver standards—and sometimes, the standards are higher than the number of OB/GYNs in the county.”
Meanwhile, Hopkins has started a GoFundMe titled “Prenatal Care for Non-Virgins,” which has already raised $14.10—mostly from confused folks who thought they were backing a new religion.
Hopkins had the last word: “I guess if my baby wanted medical care so bad, she should’ve gotten married first.”
Medical crises may come and go, but at least Tennessee proves that the spirit of the Salem Witch Trials is alive and well.
By: TheJestPress.com
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