#LosAngeles #SheriffExplodes #TrainingGoneWrong #OopsieDaisy #TheJestPress
By: TheJestPress.com
LOS ANGELES, CA — In a move guaranteed to make future law enforcement trainees develop an interest in basket weaving, the Los Angeles Sheriff’s Department suffered its “biggest loss of life since 1857” after an “unexpected demonstration of explosive teamwork,” according to the official statement.
The ill-fated training session, reportedly titled “How Not To Handle Highly Volatile Substances,” will henceforth be discontinued after three deputies, all with extensive TikTok expertise, managed to turn a basic explosives tutorial into the department’s first legitimate action-movie scenario.
Eyewitnesses say the deputies approached the training with their signature bravado, shouting, “What’s the worst that could happen?” while pouring equal parts coffee and Red Bull onto the explosives—neither of which appeared in the official training protocol, but both made for a thrilling Snapchat story.
The Sheriff’s Department, traditionally known for heroic chases and occasionally getting stuck in LA traffic on the way to heroics, now faces the task of explaining to recruits that explosions are generally *not* included on the list of acceptable learning outcomes. “In hindsight, maybe this was more ‘Mythbusters’ than ‘Police Academy,’” admitted one senior officer, nervously eyeing the department’s stockpile of Nerf guns.
Historians rushed to compare the tragedy to the infamous 1857 donut famine, when officers were forced to subsist on kiwis for a week, but agreed “at least those mustaches survived.”
Authorities vow a thorough investigation, provided they can find someone willing to return to a training facility where fire extinguishers now outnumber plastic chairs. “We promise next year’s biggest risk will be paper cuts,” assured the interim training captain before canceling Bring Your Own Flare Gun Day.
Services for the fallen will be held at the world’s *least* flammable venue, sources confirmed—just in case.
By: TheJestPress.com
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