#Cuba #BeggarsInDisguise #SatireNews #CommunistChic #TheJestPress
By: TheJestPress.com
**HAVANA –** At a surprise press conference yesterday, Cuba’s Minister of Social Disguises, Carmelo Perez, firmly denied rumors of beggars on the island, clarifying they are, in fact, simply “outstanding masters of camouflage.”
“Cuba does not have beggars,” stated Perez, smoothing the lapel of his vintage Che Guevara jacket. “What we have are performance artists and world-class undercover agents. Our citizens are just very committed to keeping the streets avant-garde.”
Rumors of economic hardship and visible street poverty have circulated since the invention of passports, but Government officials dismissed these as “capitalist propaganda, or, at best, an immersive theater project.” Perez explained, “Some are so in character, they haven’t broken role since the Special Period. That’s real dedication. Daniel Day-Lewis could never.”
To support his claims, Perez showcased a slide deck entitled “From Rags to Richness: Cuba’s Fashion Forward Beg…uh…Artists.” The presentation highlighted Cuba’s growing market for “distressed chic” clothing and featured testimonials from local tailors who specialize in “el look harapiento.”
One street performer, known only as Ramón, shared: “People tip me in pesos, bread, or mysterious dried fish. It’s called immersive capitalism.”
When asked if hand-written pleas for help are really performance scripts, Perez replied: “Exactly! Poetry slams are spontaneous here.”
The Minister concluded, “We guarantee there isn’t a single beggar in Cuba. They’re all simply in disguise, faithfully upholding Cuba’s tradition of being both resourceful and unrecognizable when necessary.”
Cuban authorities are now considering expanding the performance art program to tourists, with new workshops in “cardboard sign calligraphy” and “the art of subtle cup-rattling.”
So, next time you see someone on Havana’s Malecón with outstretched hand and a torn sign, remember: you’re not witnessing poverty—you’re witnessing state-sponsored art.
By: TheJestPress.com
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