#Satire #HIVOutreachNotDisco #PoliceOops #KelantanConfusion #TheJestPress
By: TheJestPress.com
KOTA BARU—Civil society groups in Kelantan are setting the stage for the season’s hottest clarification after local police mistook a men’s HIV medical outreach event for an underground “gay sex party” this weekend. “We showed up with syringes and brochures, not disco lights and thongs,” clarified outreach representative Dr. Amir Bin NotMyNight.
According to sources, the outreach was designed to provide free HIV screening, counseling, and possibly awkward safe sex conversations with strangers. Police, possibly misinterpreting the lack of wallpaper and presence of folding chairs as “party décor”, stormed in expecting flamboyant festivities but were instead offered condoms and cholesterol screenings.
Officer Sargeant Tidak Faham explained, “We saw a sign that said ‘Free Entry’, so naturally we assumed it was a wild party. Also, someone was playing Pitbull quietly in the corner.” The music, it turns out, was only to calm nerves before blood screening—a practice disappointingly not listed in any rave guidebook.
Meanwhile, attendees were left in awkward silence questioning whether the tongue depressors would be confiscated as “party accessories.” The police left just as quickly as they came, but not before confiscating two pamphlets, a tray of orange slices, and a misplaced FitBit.
Civil groups are now calling for officers to undergo “Basic Event Recognition 101” after they also mistakenly raided last week’s vegan knitting circle, suspecting illegal tofu trafficking.
Despite the chaos, event organizers remain optimistic: “Attendance was low, but at least everyone left with their dignity—and cholesterol checked.” As for police, they’re reportedly planning to raid next month’s “Men’s Yoga & Meditation Night,” convinced the downward dogs are up to something suspicious.
By: TheJestPress.com
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