#GeoPolitics #OceaniaOrBust #AidToNowhere #USOuttaHere #GoodbyeEurope
By: TheJestPress.com
**Lowy Institute Map Accidentally Reveals US and Europe Have Ghosted Southeast Asia—Australia Left On Read**
In a shocking exposé, the Lowy Institute’s new South-East Asia Aid Map has revealed what local officials are calling “the quietest Irish goodbye in diplomatic history.” According to the shiny interactive map, both the US and Europe have spent the last decade carefully retreating from Southeast Asia like houseguests who suddenly remembered they left their iron on at home—leaving Australia to foot the bill for the next party.
The outgoing regions seem to have perfected the “Wait, is that my Uber?” method of global strategy, with diplomats allegedly tiptoeing out of development projects, sidestepping regional issues like a cat confronted by a cucumber. Meanwhile, Australia—known for kangaroos, Vegemite, and not wanting China to buy everything—now stands alone in the group chat, sending increasingly desperate “Hey guys, anyone up for aid?” messages.
“No one even left a goodbye note,” one Australian official lamented, scrolling through stagnant WhatsApp threads. “Just blue ticks for miles.”
According to the map, US aid now consists mostly of accidentally Venmoing five dollars to the wrong address, while European assistance has been rebranded as “thoughts and prayers with a post-colonial twist.” Rumour has it some European envoys dropped coins in a wishing well before their exit, which, in fairness, is still more than Belgium contributed.
In response, Australia is ramping up its “Koala Diplomacy” program and considering finally sharing the secret to Tim Tams in exchange for increased regional security.
As global powers withdraw to worry about their own inflation, Australia is reportedly brushing up on Mandarin, sharpening its boomerangs, and nervously eyeing Bunnings’ bulk sale on U-bolts, just in case.
Stay tuned as we wait for the rest of the world to remember Southeast Asia’s number—or at least reply to Australia’s memes.
By: TheJestPress.com
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