#PetroleumPicasso #LeakyBusiness #WashingtonWoes #OopsMyOil #EcoFriendlyFail
By: TheJestPress.com
In an exciting new chapter of Washington’s “Guess Where the Oil Is This Time” saga, emergency crews scrambled this Tuesday to contain a petroleum spill resulting from a tanker truck’s best attempt at a modern art installation—right in the middle of an unsuspecting highway. Bystanders were reported to have rated the impromptu “oil on asphalt” masterpiece a solid 7 out of 10 for creativity, but only 1 out of 10 for environmental friendliness.
Eyewitnesses say the tanker, cleverly disguised as a regular truck until its slippery reveal, attempted to execute a sharp turn that sadly ended with gravity winning—a clear violation of the “Don’t Spill and Drive” rule recently invented by spill-prone cities everywhere. The cascade of petroleum, according to local amateur science teachers, would have been “cooler if it were rainbow-colored or non-toxic.”
Crews, equipped with everything from high-tech absorbent booms to a surprising number of shop towels from someone named Jerry, sprang into action. “This spill is about 50,000 gallons shy of being a major disaster, but about two tablespoons over what my mop can handle,” admitted one worker as he eyed the never-ending slick.
Environmental activists, freshly equipped with social media accounts and artistic protest signs, arrived within hours, demanding oil companies “try spilling herbal tea for once.” Meanwhile, locals asked if the incident could finally justify skipping lawn-mowing due to “government-mandated oily grass.”
Authorities assure citizens the situation is “under control,” but urge drivers to avoid the area and not to collect samples for personal petroleum-based home experiments.
In brighter news, local car wash profits are expected to skyrocket, and Washington’s ducks have already negotiated for deluxe bath packages.
Stay tuned for further updates, and remember: if you see something slick, say something, or just skate away gracefully.
By: TheJestPress.com
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