#ArchaeologyFail #ItalianJobOdessa #DukeDigs #HistorySurprise #FortressFound
By: TheJestPress.com
In an announcement that stunned historians, archaeologists in Odesa have discovered a sprawling 14th-century Italian fortress lurking directly underneath the city’s most famous duke monument—and absolutely no one saw it coming, except perhaps the guy selling fake antiquities nearby.
“The last thing we expected to find under our most Instagrammed statue was medieval Italian architecture,” confessed lead archaeologist Dr. Ivano Diggione. “We were honestly just looking for the Duke’s lost walking stick.”
Locals have promptly renamed the site “Little Venice, Big Surprise.” While some historians are intrigued by possible Genoese links to Odesa, others suspect the monument’s famous duke—Armand-Emmanuel Sophie Septimanie de Vignerot du Plessis (and yes, he needed all those names)—used the fortress as an early Airbnb rental.
Tourist authorities are thrilled. “Now, visitors can walk the steps, snap selfies with the duke, and immediately plummet into centuries-old catacombs below!” said Odesa’s Head of Tourism. “It’s an all-in-one package: history lesson and accidental spelunking adventure.”
Italian officials are reported to be already laying claim, in hopes of designating the whole thing as a sister city to Rome, or at the very least attempting to order pizza delivery direct to the ruins. Odesa’s city council, not to be outdone, announced they will raise admission prices immediately and begin selling “Genoese Fortress Frappés” at the on-site café.
Meanwhile, construction workers are just glad they don’t have to explain why the duke seems to be standing on a suspicious mound. Asked about the monument’s future, the mayor assured citizens the duke “will continue to stand tall—as long as we don’t dig any deeper and discover he’s actually French.”
Historians are currently bracing for next week, when a rumored stash of Venetian gondolas might be revealed beneath the city’s Opera House toilets.
By: TheJestPress.com
Leave a comment