#HighSchoolSports #Firefighters #CleanUpOnAisleHomeRun #SatireNews #SportsFail
By: TheJestPress.com
In the latest installment of “Epic Overreactions,” a local firefighter turned his hose from hero to menace after a dramatic home run struck his prized 2019 Ford F-150 parked just outside Ridgeview High School’s left field fence. The incident, which left spectators alternately gaping and giggling, resulted in record-breaking levels of both rainfall and school spirit.
Witnesses say the burly firefighter, identified only as “Chief Chuck,” had just settled down with a hot dog when junior slugger Kyle “Slugz” Benson launched a moonshot directly at Chuck’s beloved vehicle. The baseball reportedly skipped twice before leaving a precious dent “no amount of wax will fix.”
Eyewitness reports differ on what happened next. “He was calm for ten seconds,” recalled Coach Dale. “Then he stomped off muttering, ‘You wanna play hardball? I’ll give you hardball.’ Next thing I know, the field’s underwater and the outfielders are looking for pool floats.”
Within minutes, Chuck had commandeered his fire truck, dragging hoses onto the diamond. He then unleashed a torrent. Home plate became a slip-n-slide, center field transformed into Ridgeview Lake, and the coach’s dog learned to paddle.
“I did what any firefighter would,” Chuck later explained. “When life gives you lemons, you turn their baseball diamond into a water hazard. For safety, morale, and petty revenge.”
Ridgeview’s athletic director has cancelled all games for the next two weeks, citing the need to “introduce a lifeguard training unit to the P.E. curriculum.” Meanwhile, Kyle Benson says he’ll now focus on golf: “At least they yell ‘fore’ before they hit something.”
Chuck’s truck remains dented. The baseball is lost at sea. And the fire department is reportedly auctioning off commemorative “F-150 Survival Squad” rubber duckies, proceeds to fix the field.
By: TheJestPress.com
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