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By: TheJestPress.com
**Oregon Man Claims He Was Just on a Capitol Tour, Accidentally Brought 17 Guns**
In a stunning case of “Oops, I forgot my arsenal was in my backpack,” authorities on Wednesday apprehended an Oregon man near the U.S. Capitol after discovering he was armed with enough firepower to single-handedly reenact the War of 1812. The man, identified only as “Guy From Oregon,” claims he was just a tourist who “doesn’t like to leave home without a small army.”
When Capitol police inquired why he was carrying “no less than seventeen” assorted firearms, including a musket, three slingshots, and something that looked suspiciously like a potato cannon, Mr. Oregon replied, “Well, you never know what kind of varmints you’ll find in Washington. I heard there were some real rats in Congress!”
The Oregonian stated that packing heat is just part of his state’s culture. “Back home, my dog’s got his own holster. My cousin’s squirrel has a Glock with an acorn extended mag. I thought this was normal.”
Political analysts are debating whether this incident is a sign of increased polarization, a stubborn attachment to the Second Amendment, or simply an inability to read airline bag policies. As one official explained, “Airport security flagged his luggage, but the Portland TSA agents just asked if they could try out his crossbow.”
Now facing serious charges, the man says he’s learned his lesson. “Next time, I’ll only bring the essentials—just my two favorite flamethrowers and a polite note.”
Congress immediately took action by introducing the “Dudes From Oregon Leave Your Guns At Home Act,” which experts predict will be ignored by absolutely everyone.
By: TheJestPress.com
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