#Satire #PoliticalFriends #RedAndBlueCrew #DiverseDebateClub #UnityInCivility
By: TheJestPress.com
**Study Finds Befriending One Moderate Friend Reduces Impulse to Unfriend Everyone**
A new study released this week has shocked exactly zero grandmothers nationwide after revealing that Americans—even those living on opposite sides of the ideological Grand Canyon—are significantly less likely to “accidentally” mute or dehumanize each other if they hang out with someone sporting a suspiciously diverse friend group.
Researchers observed hundreds of liberals and conservatives interacting at simulated backyard barbecues, online comment sections, and airport Chili’s locations. Findings were clear: when a self-avowed liberal met a conservative whose phone contacts looked like a game of political Sudoku, they were 78% less likely to picture that conservative as an actual vegetable or ancient sea mammal.
“Our data reveals a humanization effect. When people see that Uncle Ron’s golf buddy is a vegan, his cousin is a socialist Twitch streamer, and his poker group includes one guy who only communicates with Jordan Peterson memes, suddenly Uncle Ron seems… weirdly reasonable,” said lead researcher Dr. Abby Median. “They might even invite him to Friendsgiving. Maybe ask him to bring the mashed potatoes, not the political opinions.”
The study goes further, suggesting that Americans can strengthen their multi-partisan immunity simply by assembling friend groups resembling a cast lineup from a National Geographic documentary: a libertarian, a vegan conspiracy theorist, an NPR tote-bag collector, and one guy who’d prefer to never talk politics at all.
Prominent figures immediately weighed in. “I’m now supplementing my social circle with exactly one left-of-center acquaintance,” tweeted a conservative influencer. “Diversity is working—I’ve only monologued about gas stoves twice this week.”
Meanwhile, liberals announced a new app: DiverseMates™, which promises to match you with an ideological frenemy before you hit send on that next angry tweet.
Remember: Next time you’re about to unfriend Aunt Linda, check if she’s got friends across the political spectrum. She might just be human after all.
By: TheJestPress.com
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