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By: TheJestPress.com
**Putin Meets Khamenei’s Top Adviser Larijani for Nuclear Talks, Brings Personally Autographed ‘How to Make Friends and Influence Enrichments’ Handbook**
In an event described by Kremlin spokespersons as “the ultimate buddy cop movie crossover,” Russian President Vladimir Putin met Tuesday with Ali Larijani, Supreme Leader Khamenei’s top adviser, for what sources say were “casual nuclear chit-chats” over samovars of uranium-free tea.
The meeting, held in an undisclosed location rumored to be either an underground bunker or Putin’s favorite ice-fishing hut, was meticulously choreographed yet somehow still less awkward than a family Zoom call.
According to leaked transcripts, the two leaders discussed their shared passion for nuclear technology, complicated board games, and making Western leaders “sweat through their suits on live TV.”
Putin reportedly kicked off the talks by gifting Larijani a matryoshka doll set with a tiny Ahmadinejad inside, before unveiling his latest reading suggestion: a manually redacted copy of “How to Win Friends and Influence People (While Building Reactors).” Sources confirm Larijani was deeply moved—or possibly just struggling to find the last page, which had been replaced with a picture of Putin shirtless on a bear.
In a joint statement following the talks, both sides highlighted “positive developments,” which analysts interpret as code for “we ordered dessert.” The pair agreed to convene again soon, “just as soon as they finish all the puzzles,” leading regional security experts to urgently Google “Can you enrich uranium with Sudoku?”
The White House, when reached for comment, announced new sanctions on both leaders’ Twitter accounts, their favorite chess apps, and all Russian-manufactured samovars.
Meanwhile, diplomatic observers are already eagerly awaiting the sequel: “Putin & Larijani II: The Tehran Drift.”
By: TheJestPress.com
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