#DiversityWins #MeltingPotMadness #PatchworkPatriots #ReligiousRainbow #OneLoveUSA
By: TheJestPress.com
According to a new poll that absolutely definitely did not come from a fortune cookie, most Americans would rather live in an America full of diverse faces, faiths, foods, and random holiday requests for time off, rather than a bland monochromatic monoculture. Only 1.1% of Americans said they’d prefer an ethnically homogeneous United States—though, to be fair, a few of those were later revealed to be people who really just want a never-ending Olive Garden “Tour of Italy.”
Even more impressive than America’s unmistakable love of international appetizers, a meager 3.2% are hoping for a religiously homogeneous nation. The remaining 96.8% have already synchronized their calendar alerts for Hanukkah, Christmas, Diwali, Ramadan, and that one major holiday where it’s socially acceptable to eat ten pounds of candy “in loving memory of the saints.”
Sociologists say this growing affection for diversity can be traced back to several scientific factors, including friendships forged at the office “potluck,” repeated exposure to TikTok food hacks, and a mysterious inability to remember which accent actually pronounces “gyro” correctly.
Some Americans, asked to imagine what a homogeneous society would look like, mostly pictured an extended family reunion held in a mayonnaise factory. “It’s important to celebrate what makes us different,” said one respondent before wandering off in search of the taco truck. “Otherwise, what would I brag about on Instagram?”
The remaining 1.1% are reportedly still stuck in a waiting room somewhere, waiting for someone to explain what “chai tea” actually means. In the meantime, America continues to prove that the only thing better than a melting pot is a melting pot with really good wi-fi and plenty of garlic naan.
By: TheJestPress.com
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