#BattyAboutScience #COVIDKiddos #WeanedAndWild #ViralVampires #CoronaCubs
By: TheJestPress.com
**Australian Bat Toddlers Found Guilty of Hosting Epic Coronavirus Parties, Say Scientists**
Scientists in Australia have officially confirmed what parents everywhere already suspected: toddlers are gross. In a groundbreaking three-year study, researchers have discovered that baby flying foxes—the bat equivalent of rambunctious preschoolers—are not only snotty-nosed viral factories but also the hosts of Mother Nature’s most exclusive (and potentially dangerous) germ raves.
“Turns out, the real super-spreaders are just teething,” said Dr. Sheila Nappyrash, lead researcher on the study, while vigorously sanitizing her binoculars. “The infant bats, especially during weaning, start leaking more viruses than a pre-schooler at a sneeze contest. It’s honestly impressive—and a little terrifying.”
But the plot thickens: these bat youngsters aren’t just binging on bug purée and bugging mom. During this messy weaning period, they’re also catching and co-hosting multiple coronavirus strains, making their tiny immune systems the Big Brother house of viral evolution. “Multiple coronaviruses are in there mixing, mingling, and possibly swapping genetic material like kids with Pokemon cards—except instead of Charizard, the prize might be a whole new pandemic,” warned Dr. Nappyrash.
Authorities are already bracing for ‘Batfluencers’ to spark the next viral trend over the Outback. “We considered putting tiny masks on them, but the fruit bats keep eating the masks,” explained a spokesperson from the Ministry of Unsolvable Problems.
Meanwhile, humans reportedly remain torn between awe and abject terror. Some Aussie parents have even suggested trading their toddlers for baby bats, noting, “At least the bats hang upside down when they’re causing trouble.”
As for the bats, they responded to the allegations with loud screeching and a statement that translates loosely to, “Thanks for the fruit, suckers.”
By: TheJestPress.com
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