#TechNoNo #SiliconShady #MissileMashup #SpyValley #EngineerOops
By: TheJestPress.com
**Silicon Valley Engineer Admits Stealing US Missile Tech, Thought It Was Open Source**
PALO ALTO, CA – In what legal experts are calling “an extremely honest GitHub commit,” a Silicon Valley engineer confessed yesterday to stealing classified US missile technology, claiming that he “thought it was open source because there was a README file.”
Eddie Botsworth, a self-proclaimed ‘rockstar’ coder at HackForce, Inc., admitted during a federal inquiry that he’d been “copy-pasting high-velocity code snippets” from a top-secret Pentagon folder for months. When confronted by security officials, Botsworth explained, “All files were labeled ‘DO_NOT_SHARE_THIS’ which, as every engineer knows, is a reverse psychology trick. Otherwise, why would they put it on a network called SharePoint?”
According to sources, Botsworth had already attempted to repackage the sensitive missile guidance algorithms as a drone delivery startup called UberBOOM. “To be honest, I’m surprised nobody else thought of it,” he said. “The code practically launched itself.”
Employees at HackForce claimed they were unaware of any wrongdoing, noting that US missile systems “blended in seamlessly” with the company’s other projects, such as the failed app for automated dog hair detection.
Federal agents confiscated Botsworth’s laptop, only to discover it was running Minesweeper and 47 suspiciously-named folders, each containing PowerPoint slides titled “FOR DEMO PURPOSES ONLY.” When asked for a comment, the Pentagon simply replied, “Please stop. Just, please.”
Meanwhile, Botsworth faces 15 years in prison and a lifetime ban from DEFCON. Silicon Valley insiders shrugged off the ordeal, saying, “It happens. Sometimes you deploy bugs, sometimes you deploy missiles.”
For now, the only California launches the engineer will witness are court cases, not rockets.
By: TheJestPress.com
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