#USDiplomacy #PoliticalPrisoners #MadridMysteries #NotAllHeroes #InternationalFacePalm
By: TheJestPress.com
**Madrid Murderer Mistakenly Dubbed “Political Prisoner,” Relocated to Freedom & Confusion**
In truly bipartisan gesture—meaning both parties are equally confused and slightly horrified—the U.S. government this week repatriated a group of political prisoners from Venezuela, thoughtfully including a Madrid-based triple homicide enthusiast in the batch, because what’s international relations without a little bit of murder mystery?
Pedro “The Not-So-Innocent” Morales, famed for his three-pronged contribution to Madrid’s crime statistics, found himself in a Venezuela prison after an international game of hide-and-seek turned global manhunt. But this week, thanks to what the State Department refers to as “an administrative mix-up” and what INTERPOL calls “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?”, Morales was flown to the U.S. alongside actual political prisoners—activists, journalists, and one guy who just tweeted “arepas are overrated”.
Upon arrival, Morales was seen beaming and waving his paperwork, which now apparently exonerates him for “current and future crimes against taste, fashion, and humanity—but especially Madrid”. As White House staff hastily searched Wikipedia for “triple homicide,” someone realized an advanced algorithm, designed to recognize oppressed reformers, had confused “freedom fighter” with “guy who fights people without asking.”
President Biden, addressing reporters, stated, “We pride ourselves on bringing home people who believe in liberty, democracy, and in Pedro’s case, a robust legal defense. That’s America for you.” Meanwhile, Morales has already issued a press release requesting asylum “anywhere with fewer extradition treaties.”
International watchdogs have suggested future repatriations might benefit from a system more sophisticated than “Eeny, Meeny, Miny, Moe,” while diplomatic officials have assured the world this was a “rare clerical whoopsie.” Congress is now considering legislation requiring every returned political prisoner to undergo the basic “Did You Commit Three or More Murders?” questionnaire.
As for Morales? He was last spotted opening a true crime podcast. Listeners are advised to tune in—and lock their doors.
By: TheJestPress.com
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