#HeartSmart #SelfCareRevolution #JustWalkItOff #AandEMasterclass #CardioComedy
By: TheJestPress.com
**Heart Attack Patients Advised to Get Themselves to A&E, NHS Unveils DIY Survival Plan**
The NHS is breaking new ground in both medicine and personal responsibility. In a bid to empower patients and ease emergency service burdens, health authorities have released new guidance: “If you’re having a heart attack, kindly get yourself to A&E. Yes, with your own two legs.”
Under the initiative—named “Cardiac Commute”—patients experiencing severe chest pain, sweating, and impending doom are offered motivational leaflets: “You got yourself into this mess, you can get yourself out of it, champ!”
A spokesperson explained, “Paramedics are busy, ambulances are expensive, and honestly, exercise is good for your heart! What better way to test your arteries than a brisk stroll to your local hospital?” The press conference was interrupted briefly by a coughing fit and what sounded suspiciously like heartburn.
Video tutorials are being launched to assist patients in mastering the “one-hand-on-chest shuffle” and the subtleties of flagging down taxis while doubled over in agony. Meanwhile, Uber has responded by adding a “Cardiac Casual” ride category—slightly more expensive than UberX but with a playlist of soothing 80s power ballads.
Some dissenters, particularly from the British Cardiology Society, questioned the wisdom of having the acutely unwell making their own way to hospital. But others praised the NHS’s “DIY healthcare revolution.” Said one NHS manager, “We’d get people to stitch their own wounds if we could only trust them not to mix up a cat for a needle.”
Plans are underway to next advise patients with broken legs that “hopping’s great for core strength” and to recommend migraine sufferers “squint at fluorescent lights to toughen up.”
Remember, when minutes count, don’t call 999—grab your trainers, clutch your chest, and start power-walking towards recovery!
By: TheJestPress.com
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